all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
