my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
