is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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