The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize