rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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