'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
