Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
