you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize