Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
