Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
