apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
where does the pee come out of this thing
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize