Need sex. Gaining weight.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
