Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
