Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
