Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
