return my video game
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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