I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
