I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize