Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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