it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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