I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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