All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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