I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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