I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize