I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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