i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
