bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
