btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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