Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
