1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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