please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
