I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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