I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize