What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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