saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
