2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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