There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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