I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
