I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
