So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
