College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize