both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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