I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
