guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
