Kiss
Puke
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
