Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
