She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
