and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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