Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
