I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
