She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
