if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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