At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
