ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
