you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
