It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
