My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
