dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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