1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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