My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
