we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
