youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
