We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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