how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
