Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
