Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
