Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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