btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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