I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
that is very illegal...i love you.
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