I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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