dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
