The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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