There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
BRING THE BAGELS
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
