tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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