He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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