You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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