just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
