she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How does one acquire holy water?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
